Saturday, January 8, 2011

"A penny saved is a penny earned"

Sense and Logics would seem to indicate that to save a penny, you need to earn it first, otherwise you won't have a penny to save. But as we have seen time and again, to investigate fully it is necessary to put Science and Googles on a chart, then look at it with our eyes.

Here we see that ever since the discovery of the penny in the late 1700s it has been saved, as shown by the blue line.

Oddly, we can also see that penny saving peaked around 1815, at around the same time that penny earning, shown by the red line, had only just begun.

Even more mysteriously, we can see that in the whole of recorded history, far more penny has been saved than earned!

Now we must ask ourselves, in a deep scientist type voice, "How can that much penny be saved when so little penny has been earned? Hmm?". Thankfully this is exactly the sort of question that Science and Googles can answer.

As can be seen, there are numerous sources of penny to consider. These are: penny earned; penny stolen; penny found; pennies from heaven; and the proverbial bad penny.

When all of these penny sources are added together, they probably equal the amount of penny saved (apart from a few penny losts, which of course do not show up on the chart because they are lost).

However, this still leaves the question of how so much penny can be saved back in 1815 before it's even been earned, stolen, found, fallen from heaven, or turned up. And of course, the only Logical answer is, by the use of a Time Machine!

In conclusion then: yes a penny saved is a penny earned, or gained by some other means, as noted above, but then transported back in time to 1815 by means of a Time Machine.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

"The pen is mightier than the sword"

It is often said that the pen is mightier than the sword, but how can that possibly be? Pens are pointy at the end but they're very short. Swords, on the other hand, are sharp all over and very long. There have been plenty of swordfights, but have you ever heard of a penfight? No. And yet still people persist in claiming superiority for the pen!

In the following analysis I have made extensive use of multiple Sciences and Googles to explore this conundrum, in multichart format.

Here we see that from 1550-1590 and 1710-1790 the pen, represented by the blue line, was temporarily slightly mightier than the sword, represented by the red line. At all other times throughout history however, the sword has always been mightierer than the pen.

Why then has this proverb persisted? One theory which has arisen is that a comma is missing from the original proverb, so that it should actually read, "The pen is, mightier than the sword". Science and Googles can be used to test this hypotenuse.

Clearly, the penis, while continuing to gain popularity, has at no time been mightier than the sword, which is not a surprise really since it isn't even as pointy as a pen. Usually.

To confirm these facts, here is a side-by-side comparison of the pen, sword, and penis, all on top of each other.

In conclusion then: unless you're reading this between 1550-1590 or 1710-1790, the sword is mightier than the pen, and I urge you for your own safety to review this scientific evidence before getting into a fight with a swordsman, particularly if your weapon of choice is a penis.

Monday, January 3, 2011

"A bad penny always turns up"

The theory that small-denomination coins constantly return is known as "recurrency". This proverb expands that theory by claiming that even bad coins will come back. Science and Googles have now charted this claim, in a chart.

The bad penny, represented by the blue line, has been around ever since pennies were first discovered in 1790.

As can be seen, bad pennies were indeed on a constant upturn until 1940, just as the proverb insisted they would be.

However, from then until the mid 1980s they experienced a downturn and have only partially turned up again since then, and not even the combined wisdoms of Science and Googles can say why.

In conclusion then: a bad penny sometimes turns up, and sometimes down. In fact they're completely unreliable, so it's no surprise they've got a dubious reputation and people call them 'bad'. Angry internet face >:(